if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
