Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
