I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
