I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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