Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Randomize
