bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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