I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
