My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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