i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
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