I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
