fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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