If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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