Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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