After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
