i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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