I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
