I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
