i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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