Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
