oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
