you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
