she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
