new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
