after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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