i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
