Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
