I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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