so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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