Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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