Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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