im drinking this country out of the recession.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Randomize
