Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
