u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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