If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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