dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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