I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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