She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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