God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
