it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
