Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
