Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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