you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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