Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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