Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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