i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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