it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
