i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
