he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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