A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
