I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
