I wannas sexs uuuuu
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
