Kiss
Puke
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
