were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
