I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
