I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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